Time Tells a Story

My worries and fear that I had about my boss Kevin happened, he had a massive heart attack on August 5th, 2017. He died instantly; I grieved so hard that it brought on shingles. It was so difficult, but finally I accepted it. In December of that year my company was bought by an investor, we turned from a family-oriented business into a corporate business. They are good to us, it’s just that I am just so busy I am overwhelmed.

So, I went to Hall and Oates concert and had a flash back about my dad. I hadn’t quite figured it out because it was just for a split second, but I saw a flashback of him playing the trumpet. I don’t know where it was going, but I instantly felt depressed.

I recently uploaded a story I wrote in my blog. ” I plead the 5th.” All the important people in my life passed, my boss August 5^th, my dad, October 5^th, one of my childhood friends March 5th and my sisters’ mother-in-law May 5th.

Also, I continue to see my ex-Bill in traffic, and he’s like “look at me I don’t care if I treated you horribly. I want you to see me. I’m still here. Hi, I’m so happy to see you!” I pretended to not notice him and ignore him, my body shaking from these incidents has gotten less. On July 2nd, I saw him in traffic again, that evening I got a knock on my door. I looked outside and there was Bill, the moment I have always feared is finally here! It’s now face to face with him.

This is the hardest thing I have ever had to write, so many emotions.

 I didn’t let him in my house, and I am so proud about that. He said he wanted to give me his condolences about my dad and my boss. That was an excuse, and I can tell he was so nervous. I’m thinking to myself why is he here? I was calm and not shaking, he was at my home I think 10 minutes. We talked about my kid and his, and then he said I won’t take any more of your time. When he left, I became angry. Why was I even nice to him? Why didn’t I ask if his wife knew if he were here, and how would she feel about him being on my front porch.

I have a feeling he will be back; I will not be caught off guard next time, but when I was driving home his mom’s house is on my way and he was there. Since I have been home, I have been looking out my window so if he pulls up, I won’t be caught off guard again. I don’t like that I was doing that, I’m not sure if it’s because he is unhappy and realized how bad he treated me? I don’t think so because he had the guts to knock on my door. Why did he knock on my door? I will never ever get back with him. My family felt awful for me dealing with this and was like that’s so crazy, I do have their support.

I finally live on my own, it’s been a little over a year. I have gotten so tired of having roommates and I feel so free to finally be myself whole heartily. I have been working on myself and I love that I am still finding out who I am! I wished that I had done it a long time ago. I feel sooooo free to be myself 110 %! I have not stopped drinking wine, but it’s so much less now and I’m no longer doing shots,

So, there you have it.