The Choice I Made at 19
When I was 19, I made the decision to have you and raise you—among many other choices I had at the time.
Sacrifices and Regret
By my late 20s, I found myself taking care of my parents financially, without any help. I had to work around the clock and was rarely home. Then I met someone who ended up taking up more of my time. Looking back, that was a big mistake. The biggest of my life.
It took me 15 years to realize that regret, and for the past 12 years, I’ve been trying to apologize for my blindness.
The Pain of Your Treatment
You claimed to forgive me.
But the way you treat me still hurts.
Whenever you get the chance to hurt me, you take it—like on Mother’s Day, when you chose someone else over me. I can’t compete with her.
Even when I came to see my granddaughter, it was painfully clear where I stand in your life.
It’s clear how you feel about me.
I don’t believe you’ve truly forgiven me.
And honestly, I don’t know what else I can do.
I feel like I’m fighting a battle I can never win.
Headlines That Break My Heart
💔 Actual Headlines Today:
- Father buries 6-year-old daughter alive overnight
- Mom tried to hire hitman to kill 3-year-old son
- Police searching for missing toddler in landfill — mother prime suspect
- Child found locked in dog kennel, says he lived outside for months
When I see these headlines, I wonder…
Do you compare me to parents like that?
A Plea for Healing
I urge you to look within yourself or speak to your therapist about the anger you hold.
Because I can’t be your punching bag anymore.
The nasty texts you sent?
They hurt me deeply. And I know that’s what you intended.
I stopped reading them.
And I heard that disappointed you.
But let me be clear:
Being cruel to anyone—regardless of the circumstances—is not okay.
Letting Go of What I Can’t Change
I realize now that I can’t change how you feel about me.
You made up your mind when you took the cheater back.
Maybe one day, something will shift your perspective.
I’m trying to be patient because I’ve worked hard to find peace and contentment.
I know what I have now—and I am happy.
The happiest I’ve ever been.
Watching the Cycle Repeat
I tried.
And I tried.
But you’re so stubborn in your thinking.
You say you’re religious, but your behavior doesn’t reflect what it means to be a Christian.
Ultimately, you’re only hurting yourself—and your child.
I’ve seen you repeat the same behavior I had with you.
It breaks me to watch that cycle continue.
I’ve apologized again and again for the time we lost.
But this feels like a never-ending cycle.
And I can’t keep riding this emotional roller coaster you’ve created.
Even my worst enemy doesn’t deserve to be treated the way you treat me.
The Honest Truth of a Hurting Mother
Yes, sometimes I wondered if I should’ve put you up for adoption.
Would it have changed things?
Would you have had a better life?
When I confide that in other parents, they gasp.
But this is the honest truth from a mother who’s hurting.
A mother who has tried everything.
And a mother who is done being broken.
Acceptance and Stepping Back
I’ve come to accept the situation for what it is.
I’ve finally stopped crying when I hear the song “Reason.”
And maybe now…
It’s time to step back.
Or maybe…
It’s time to walk away.
