He No Longer Has a Hold on Me
As I walked out of Walgreens, I was deep in conversation, texting with my man. Lost in our chat, I looked up from my phone and saw someone waving and smiling at me.
To my surprise, it was my horrible ex from 12 years ago.
I couldn’t help but wonder if he had seen my car and purposely pulled into the lot. The nerve of him to smile like nothing ever happened. But this time was different — I didn’t flinch, didn’t tense up, didn’t feel that old discomfort rise in my chest. For the first time, I felt calm. He no longer had a grip on me.
I caught myself wondering if he expected me to walk over, say hello, maybe chat about the last 12 years. What did he think was going to happen? Truth is, I didn’t even care if he walked into the store or turned right back around. I just backed out of my parking spot and kept driving.
A Full-Circle Moment
Flashback to January: I got an email from the woman he cheated on me with. Yep — her. In it, she apologized for pursuing him so selfishly back then. And in that moment, it felt like karma had done a clean sweep.
Oddly enough, I didn’t feel sorry for her. I just thanked God for giving me that small, satisfying moment.
Here’s what she wrote:
Hi (Me),
Sadly, I’m pretty sure you remember who I am. I just wanted to so very sincerely apologize for my part in hurting you so many years ago. I was selfish and didn’t care who I hurt to get what I wanted — which, at the time, was (your ex).
Lots of therapy and self-reflection over the last eight months has taught me a lot about who I was then and who I am now. I’m so disappointed in myself that I allowed another woman to be treated so badly, and that I played a part in that hurt.
Again, I’m so very sorry, and I pray that you’ve found the true happiness you deserve. I’m sure your relationship with (your ex) ended without closure, so if you have any questions I can answer that might help bring you that, I’d be happy to.
I didn’t respond. I didn’t need to. Some things don’t deserve a reply — especially when peace has already found you.
